Seduction Techniques
by catzlovecheeze
Summary: Jeff tries to get a girl and fails miserably. Again. So Slendy helps him brush up on his techinques. His seduction techniques, that is! Not yaoi. Slenderman and Jeff the Killer.
1. Chapter 1

Jeff sat sadly back on the couch, running his hand through his jet black hair. He had just been out on a date with the latest subject of his affections, and it hadn't gone over too well. He didn't understand what he had done wrong; he had been a perfect gentleman…hadn't he?

Slendy ducked his head to get through the doorway as he walked in the room, only to find the killer sitting dejectedly on the couch.

"You okay?" asked the tall entity.

"Not really," sighed the seventeen-year-old. "Julie ran off on me."

"And Julie is…?" inquired Slendy.

"She was my date…but after a while, she ran off screaming! I don't understand what I did wrong…and the thing that really sucks is that she's the third girl that ended up like that this month!"

"Well…are you sure you were a gentleman?" Slendy asked.

"What'da mean?" Jeff asked.

"Well, did you try to kill her? That might have caused it…"

"NO!" Shouted the teen. "I would NEVER kill one of my dates! I only go out with people I like, and if I liked them, why the hell would I try to kill them?!"

"Okay, chill out." Replied the tall being. "Tell me exactly what you were doing when she ran off."

"Well, we were at this club, and this guy wouldn't stay away from her. We were dancing, and he kept coming up, trying to pull her over to him. So, I pulled out my knives – I wasn't going to really cut him, just scare him off – but she freaked out."

"Well, that guy had already stepped away, so I turned back to her, to let her know I wasn't gonna kill him, but she ran off." Jeff finished.

Slendy stood, facepalming…oh, wait…well, you get what I mean.

"Jeff…what have I told you about your knives in public places?"

"Not to take them out…but, Slendy, that's not the point!"

"Well, Jeff, attempting to kill someone is almost always a turn-off for a girl."Slendy explained.

"Whatever." Muttered the teen morosely.

"Hey, you needed advice, I gave it to you. Don't kill the messenger."

"Oh, like you can do any better with the ladies!" retorted Jeff.

"Actually, I think I can. I've had several steady girlfriends over the past few years (not at the same time, of course), and I don't even have a face. That's an impressive feat, if I say so myself."

"Well, if you're so skilled with the girls, maybe you can tell me what I could do next time to keep a girl for more than a few hours." Jeff said sarcastically.

"Oh, I think I can." Replied Slen. "All you need are some good seduction techniques!"

Jeff answered him with a blank stare.

"Do…do you even know what I'm talking about?"

"Yeah…kinda…"

Slen shook his head. This would require a bit of work.

Catz: Slendy's a player.

This is going to be a multiple-chaptered story. I'm not going to focus a whole lot of attention on this one, because I'm not gonna be able to just come up with ideas for it at will. But, I do have ideas for the first few chapters. So, basically, I'll update whenever inspiration strikes.

And, to all those yaoi fangirls, sorry to disappoint you, but this won't be a yaoi story. I can see how you might think so, like maybe Jeff shows Slendy his seduction techniques, and Slendy reacts better than the girls – but no. They're in the friend zone in this one, all the way.

Oh, and this is rated T for a reason. Read at your own risk.

Anyways, what do you think Jeff might have up his sleeve? Let me know in the reviews!

Anyways, I'll update this as time goes on. I hope you enjoy this stupid randomness my mind has to offer. ;)


	2. The perfect date - maybe

Slendy looked over to Jeff, who was driving down the dark highway in his red car. He had stolen it not long ago from someone's driveway, and although he had switched the plates with another red car of the same make and model, Slendy had been none too happy about it. With Slen stalking multiple people, he didn't need the law involved in his life in any way, shape, or form. Thankfully, Jeff switching the license plates had thrown the police off his trail.

Jeff pulled off the highway after a while, and, turning out of the town that they had pulled into off the highway, going down a dark country road. The trees got thicker, until they were driving in a forest. It wasn't a fairy tale forest, either – no butterflies danced among the magic daisies here. The darkness was thick and piercing, and the forest seemed deeply ominous and foreboding.

Jeff pulled off the road, into a little indent in the trees. It had a lovely view of trees and darkness.

Jeff turned to the entity sitting in his passenger seat.

"What do you think?"

"I'm at a loss for words."

Jeff beamed with pride.

"That's not a compliment, you dolt."

Jeff's face fell from happiness to slightly pissed.

"Oh? And why is that?" He growled.

"Don't get pissed off, bro. Just think for a second. You said that this is your idea of the perfect date spot, right?"

Jeff nodded. "Yeah. Isn't it beautiful?"

Ignoring the question, Slendy continued. "You brought a girl here previously, correct?"

"Yeah…"

"And her reaction was…"

"Screaming and crying, demanding to be taken back, then getting out as soon as we got to town, calling her sister from a payphone to get her."

"See Jeff, we react differently to places like these than humans. I can understand your point of view – I too find myself brought in by this place's charm – but a human would think differently. Places like this are unnerving to humans, and would be especially so to girl out on a date, expecting to go somewhere romantic, then getting hit with a curveball like this. Not only spooky and unnerving, but also in the middle of a deep, dark, secluded forest…. Honestly Jeff, what did you think would happen?"

"Well, I get the spook factor now, but what do you mean by the secluded forest part?" Jeff questioned.

"Alone in a dark, secluded, empty place like this – please, Jeff. Everything about this place screams rape."

Jeff stared at him blankly.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh…Ummmmmmm….."

Slendy shook his head. "Didn't think of that, did'ya?"

Jeff confirmed he had not by stuttering uhs and ums, along with the shocked state he was in.

Slendy gave Jeff a few minutes to compose himself. Once Jeff had, he sighed.

"Wasn't looking forward to this…but I guess it's unavoidable. Show me what you've got."

"Okay…" Jeff replied uncertainly. "This is kinda weird, but…here goes."

Both turned forward, as if they had just pulled in, trying to create the scene of a couple just arriving at a date spot.

Jeff turned toward Slendy.

"Hey there, beautiful…"

Slendy turned toward him.

Jeff was staring at him intently, his dark eyes wide open. They seemed to draw Slendy's gaze not only to them, but into them; as if Slen could not only never escape Jeff's gaze, but was enveloped in the horrifying darkness that seemed to emanate from it. Jeff's eyes were not only wide open, but piercing and intent; the eyes of a madman. Although the gaze itself was very frightening, the apparent purpose of this mad gaze is what truly scared Slen – Jeff's eyes seemed to stare deep beyond the surface, directly into Slendy's soul. No, scratch that – they seemed to be attempting to draw his soul out and consume it.

Slendy swore loudly, recoiling so fast and violently he struck his pale head against the car door, eliciting another curse from the entity.

Rubbing his face with both hands, the entity breathed deeply for a moment, while Jeff sat bewildered, unsure of what he had done wrong.

Returning his breathing –and sanity – to normal, Slendy turned to Jeff.

"What the hell was that."

The question was more of a flat statement – a demand, if you will.

"I was just playing by simple, textbook rules! Isn't it a given that when you're trying to create a romantic atmosphere with a girl, you stare into her eyes?" Jeff replied, irritated now.

"Yeah, that's true, Jeff. But you're supposed to stare into her eyes, not her soul!"

"What do you mean?"

"Try not to look so intent. Be more relaxed and calm-looking. Having a rigid posture isn't helping you any, either. Relax it a little. And don't have your eyes opened as wide as they'll go. Have them opened normally, or better yet, closed a little."

"Like…like this?"

Jeff looked amusing, trying to put on romantic eyes with the rest of his face tense with concentration on the instructions from Slen.

"Yeah… we'll work on that later. What's the next thing you would do?"

"Well, reach over, like this…" Jeff reached toward Slendy, moving his arms slowly, muscles tense and rigid, his face intent. Knowing Jeff so well, Slendy could see the hesitation; you could even say shyness, behind Jeff's actions. But any other person would think he was moving slowly so his movement wouldn't be noticed. He wasn't concentrating on his eyes anymore, so this intent face thing wasn't new. Based on the rest of Jeff's body language, Slen could tell this was also just nerves – uncertainty if he was behaving in the correct way, not sure how the girl (or Slen, in this case) would respond. But this creeper - slowness, coupled with an intense face and the terrifying eyes Jeff had just displayed, would frighten anyone. Especially in a place like this – a dark, creepy forest.

"This is how you would reach over to a girl?"

"Yeah, to take her hand, or put my arm around her shoulders, or-"

"Jeff, look. Your intentions are good, but the way you would be moving toward her is not romantic at all. It's frightening, actually."

Jeff bit his lip. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah. Beyond bad, bro. You're a train wreck at this." Slendy confirmed.

"I'm guessing we're done for today, then?"

"Yeah."

"So…your overall thoughts?" Jeff queried.

"Do you really want to know? I'm not going to be nice…"

"Yeah. I can take it."

"Okay. The place is probably the worst date area I've ever seen. It's terrifying, first off. Then she turns toward you to see you staring into her soul, and then you start slowly reaching toward her, that intense look on your face…Dude, forget fear of rape. She probably was afraid you were gonna kill her."

Jeff stared back at him, looking shocked and a bit hurt.

"I told you I wasn't gonna be nice, bro."

"No, I-I'm fine. Just…I always considered myself to be pretty smooth with this kinda thing…"

Slen shook his head, almost sadly.

"Oh, my friend. Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah! Better than okay, I'm pumped! I'll become the best ladies' man that you, and I daresay the WORLD, has ever seen!" Jeff shouted enthusiastically.

Slend stared at his friend, unsure of his mental stability. Sure, he was Jeff the Killer, but when he wasn't killing, and was with Slen, he was usually at a decent sanity level. Now, he was insanely excited after being called a hopeless case romantically - wise.

'He must be really determined,' thought Slen.

He didn't know whether he should be happy for his friend's strong resolve, and share in his determination….

Or be terrified for the horrors that surely awaited him as Jeff's romance coach.

He sat back in his seat with a sigh as Jeff started the engine with a roar.

This was sure to be….interesting, at the very least, he thought, as they drove out of the forest.

Catz: Jeff has no idea what he's doing.

This chapter flowed into words really easily when I wrote it, but was really hard to revise. Maybe because I made more errors, trying to write and watch The Lord of the Rings at the same time, all while very tired... meh.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter of random humor! Let me know what you thought! In other words...

REVIEW, PLEASE!

Love you, Skittles! Until later!


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